Fairy Tails: The Care and Keeping Of
by the mythologist
Summary: How Lucy, Erza, Natsu and Gray stand up against jealous friends, evil magical warlords; hormones; piles of pillows; surprise drunken sex; familial expectations, and of course, hangovers. Rated M for sex and language. WARNING: Can be scarily O.C. at times.
1. Prologue:You Know It's a Thursday When

Oh god I know they're all so out of character (especially Natsu dear jesus he's completely unrecognizable, I'm so sorry), and in love with each other, and whatnot. I'm sorry. I couldn't resist.

Guess what. I don't own Fairy Tail. I'm sure you're all so very surprised. : P

**Prologue: You Know It's a Thursday When…**

There was just no way to get through to this boy, was there.

Of course, that was part of his charm. Natsu Dragonil was about as oblivious as they come to anything other than fighting, fire, dragons, fighting, destruction (check that, he was oblivious as to the _downsides_ of destruction) Happy, and fighting with Gray (a category in itself). Yet he was also strong, loyal, adorable, sweet, and unbelievably optimistic – a virtue Lucy hadn't quite understood the importance of until she joined Fairy Tail. But stand him next to a girl, an attractive girl, (ranked second hottest in all of Fairy Tail); make that an attractive and _willing_ and I'MRIGHTHEREGODDAMIT girl, and all he would do would be to sling his arm around her, offer up a grin that would split his face as well as light up his very being, and call her his nakama.

Lucy, the attractive, willing, and beyond frustrated girl in question, was approaching utter insanity. She had been turned down before, especially in the days when she had conveniently "forgotten" her surname of Heartphilia. She was more worried about what a confession would do to the group dynamics of The Quartet of Doom, as she liked to think of them in her darker moments. Tell Natsu that she lov-lik-oh to hell with it wanted to be with him forever and their stability would go up in flames. Erza would never let her hear the end of it. Gray would probably choke on his shock and die. Natsu would, after taking several days to ascertain her meaning, either ignore her (something he would never actually do, but a vague fear nonetheless), or simply treat her differently and that she couldn't take. Also, funeral costs were an expense she really couldn't cover at the moment.

Sigh. Thank the Stellar Spirits Kana was having a girls night tonight. It had been rough as of late and Lucy, as well as Kana, Levi, Mirajane, Erza, Jubia, and an assortment of other female fairy tailers (Jubia was under strict orders to let no male in, _especially Makarov;_ and in case of an all-out male assault, she was to rain incessantly until the townspeople complained) were glad of the chance to let loose for a while. Kana had promised music, snacks, a heretofore-unknown level of girl time and of course, ridiculous amounts of alcohol.

You knew it was a Thursday when the alcohol option looked the most attractive.

***So I kind of have a plot in mind.

Slow smile.

Are you ready for this?

Haha, 'cuz I'm not. Review to kick my ass into finishing it.

Love,

Bodil***


	2. 1:Of Battle Pajamas and Kindof Dragons

Nope, still don't own Fairy Tail. Or a striped bra, for that matter. Hmmm. Coincidence?

This is the OOC'ness I was talking about. Cringe if you must, I certainly did.

**Chapter 1: Of Battle Pajamas, E.S. of M, Kind-of Dragons, and Water Failure**

Erza looked around to find herself surrounded by general fluffiness – pillows, a soft blanket that looked to be more for show than anything else (Kana had mumbled something about it belonging to an *interesting* ex) and of course, the babblings of the drunk girls on either side of her, Levi and Lucy. She tilted her head to look for sane, un-girlesque conversation ("But Levi, wasn't it…weird… after you turned down both of them? In under 2 seconds?" "Lucy. Stop spinning and say it again. I can't concentrate when you insist on moving around like that") but Mirajane was talking to Kana about something, ("And so uh, how _do _you manage to get all this alcohol? I mean, between the three of them, Erza, Lucy and Levi drank almost two bales…" "Oh, this is nothing. You should've seen how much we could go through when I drink-well, used to drink, with Laxus and the boys. Gods bless 'im") and Jubia was currently manning her post rather intently, so Erza decided to stretch her legs. Sighing, she got to her feet ignoring the cries of Levi and Lucy ("Erza! What did I tell you about moving! Abruptly, no less!" "Erza? You okaaaaaay? *Lucy's patented giggle, designed to best showcase her slightly-younger-but-still-formidably-attractive side* Need helllllp?")

"I'm fine, just going to the bathroom. Please carry on with the…with the cuteness." The world spun a little as Erza managed to walk calmly into the bathroom. If she then proceeded to stumble just a bit over Kana's toilet, it need not be mentioned. Judging by how struck she was while looking at her eyes through the bathroom mirror, Erza grudgingly admitted to herself that she was a bit gone. Eyeing her armor critically and somewhat fuzzily, she decided to don her sleepwear (what Lucy liked to call her Battle Pajamas) and rejoin the girls. Erza _knew _that she was kinda toshed when as turning to leave the bathroom, she noticed her Battle Pajamas were a little uh, less dedicated to peaceful sleeping than she might be. In fact, if she didn't know better, her Battle Pajamas looked as if instead of sleeping on her, they planned to sleep on the floor. Especially after an Exemplary Specimen of Manhood had ripped them off her, and let them float there. Float. They were pretty diaphanous. They were also about three inches too short, in every way possible. Erza shook her head in disbelief and was about to change back to her Battle Armor (what Lucy sarcastically termed Everyday Casual Wear) when Jubia's (delighted? Terrified? Erza couldn't quite place it) scream brought her rushing out into the semi-dark living room, where she promptly tripped over a mountain of substantial fluff (damn those pillows) and onto (as her Battle Pajamas would rightly deem) an Exemplary Specimen of Manhood.

This E.S. of M was blessed with dark, tousalicious hair, and moaned rather deliciously against Erza's ear. Of course, the landing was softened by the vast number of pillows and soft sleeping things around, but any man that Erza descended upon this intimately was sure to make appreciative noises, regardless. Interestingly enough, this E.S. of M was quite fortunately (or unfortunately, Erza wasn't quite drunk enough to be absolutely sure) already half-dressed. Erza still didn't quite trust herself (_Man down! Man down! _ The Battle Pajamas cried. _Now, proceed to the bedroom)_ to sit up, but she regardless thought she recognized something about this E.S. of M, although she was having trouble placing it – was it his smell? The texture of his hair? The feel of his breath on her neck was beginning to make thought impossible, along with faltering hands (she assumed they were his) that were beginning to (brush? Push? Pull?) against her hips. Yet it wasn't until she heard Jubia's battle cry (ahh that's what it was, no wonder it had begun to rain) that Erza knew who she was currently straddling, in Battle Pajama, no less. It was then that her mind caught up with the situation, as well.

What…what was she _doing_ on top of Gray?

* * *

Lucy remembered giggling as she flew through the night holding on to the back of a Dragon. She remembered looking up at the swirling expanse of stars above her, and thinking _If I rode like this forever I would always be lost because the stars dance when I'm like this; _she remembered humming something silly as the arms holding her legs shifted, (she was riding the Dragon piggyback) and she remembered the enveloping warmth of the Dragon's back. She remembered tilting her head so that it rested on the Dragon's, and was surprised at how soft his pink scales were. She remembered feeling sad when the Dragon shifted her in his arms, and then laid her down on the floor, yet it didn't last too long because after a short, fumbling moment he had picked her up again and led her into somewhere warm. After this, Lucy's recollections became fragmented and existed in conflicting temporal locations, but she was sure that she got into bed, and going further, she was _absolutely positive_ that she was not alone in doing so.

* * *

Natsu did not know where to begin. He didn't know whether to scold the clearly drunken girl on his back, or merely keep on walking in silence. Earlier this evening, he had been drinking with Gray, Elfman and a handful of others when Makarov had blackmailed them into Operation: Women and Booze. It had looked to be a promising night of typical Fairy Tail mayhem. When Makarov had used Gray as a shield to infiltrate Kana's Harem, (Makarov was apparently far wilier than any could have guessed) Natsu hadn't had a thought in his head beyond crashing the girl's party, teasing Lucy, fighting Gray and perhaps if luck was on his side, fighting Erza. The half a bale he had consumed before even embarking on this mission definitely contributed to that. Yet even before Jubia had fully opened the door, eyes widening in delight at the sight of Gray, Natsu's eyes had already alighted on a far less pleasing scene: Lucy, looking up (head lolling about, really) at a looming Loki. This would be pretty par for the course except for Loki's hands were doing something rather new and different. They were playing with the v-neck on Lucy's shirt, while the rest of Lucy looked as if it was about to topple over onto the floor. Natsu's body (his mind was still replaying the sight of Loki's hands stroking Lucy's skin and therefore was quite detached from what the body was doing) pushed Gray past Jubia into what looked like an oncoming Erza from an alternate sexier universe and strode across the room, effectively breaking the covert portion of Operation: Women and Booze. Natsu's mind still had not quite reached his body when he extended his left hand and ripped Loki away from Lucy, using his right to catch the sagging girl. But perhaps his brain was not needed, because Loki took one look at Natsu's face, and hurridly transformed back into the key on Lucy's belt before any serious damage could be done.

Natsu had continued to convince Lucy to undergo the piggyback position, and had, in the ensuing confusion (Mirajane had gone demon, let's leave it at that) escaped with Lucy in tow.

Now he was carrying her home (thinking gratefully that Happy had gone to bed early tonight, because he would be worrying sick about her in this state) and ohholydragoon what was she doing to his hair? Nuzzling it? And was she humming? Damn. Natsu shifted position and tried to clear his thoughts. His mind kept replaying the look on Lucy's face when Loki was touching her. Of course she was out of her mind drunk, he wasn't _that_ naïve, but still…the look on her face when she was even just _drunkenly_ enjoying it…

He let out a sigh of relief when they reached her apartment building. Laying her down on the floor, he expertly inserted the correct key and was about to push onwards, when he was stopped cold by the sight of her sprawling against the ground. He had thought he had seen her in every imaginable situation, but for some reason, this struck him. He shook his head, picked her up, and carried her into the warmth and consequent oblivion.

He set about getting her ready for bed, or at least, as much as he could when all she would do was sit there on her bed and smile and giggle up at him, and occasionally try to play with his hair. While he had carried her home, she had mumbled something about "Dragon" so he wasn't sure she knew –exactly- who he was. He was going to have a talk with Kana about this tomorrow, and possibly Erza as well. How could they let her get so damn drunk? He had laid her down on top of the bed (fully clothed, except for the shoes, he felt he could do that much) and had turned to go when faster than he could have imagined, he heard the bed squeak and felt two thin arms wrap around him.

"Natsu. Don't go yet."

Natsu felt his entire being become rooted to the floor. For some silly, ridiculous reason, all he could think about were her arms around his waist, her head against his back, and the fact that she did indeed know who he was right now. That, and the fact that somehow, everything about this situation felt different than before.

"Lucy, you need to go to sleep."

"But I'm not sleepy." A smile ghosted across his face as he felt her yawn against his back. "And anyways, I didn't um. Didn't thank you yet."

"Thank me for what?"

He felt her arms loosen around him and deemed it safe enough to turn around.

"For flying me home, silly." She paused, looked cryptically up at him, and giggled softly. "It was like you were a real life Kind-of Dragon."

She was holding on to his arms, and rather loosely. Yet Natsu could still feel it – there was some pressure, some force in the room that put a dark, hazy tint on everything that was happening. He could feel some primal pull in his stomach, but what exactly it was pulling towards he couldn't tell. All he knew at the moment was that he was fairly drunk, Lucy was really drunk, and that something was going down, here.

Yet he couldn't quite pull away. "And so how are you going to thank me?"

A blank look plastered itself all over Lucy's face. Yet it only lasted a second for she lurched away from Natsu, towards the kitchenette, and called out over her shoulder. "I know, I'll make you something."

Natsu laughed as he caught her (this woman was prone to falling even at the height of sobriety) before she slipped on some dust, or something.

"And what do you plan to make me, especially in this state?"

"Um…water?"

The absurdity of her answer caught Natsu by surprise. That, and how cute she looked when she raised her eyes to his in such a sweet and innocent gesture. That, and how once again his body and mind separated and he was suddenly holding Lucy tightly, against her counter, and perilously close to kissing her, right then and there. He was honestly nose to nose with her and breathing heavily, fighting with himself to either tilt his mouth to cover hers or to let go of her and leave this drunken make out scenario when she made a little gasping noise, and he realized he was crushing her up against the counter, very likely in a painful manner. Abashed, he let go quickly, not sure whether or not that had really just happened, when Lucy's sing-song voice cut through his reverie.

"Ok so, I guess I can't make water anymore. Or walk. Will you…?" She trailed off, pointing to the bed.

Natsu nodded curtly, too embarrassed to speak. He had just…he had almost…with _Lucy_, one of his best nakama. He was worse than Loki. He was…

He picked her up again, and carried her to the bed. He was holding her with one arm, (both of her arms were clasped around his neck) the other awkwardly trying to pull back her sheets so that he could firmly ensconce her in the bed this time, when he suddenly felt a very warm, wet, and very Lucy tongue lick his ear. Twisting his head around fast enough to brush their noses together, his mouth suddenly very dry, he forced a word out of his constricted throat.

"Lucy?"

"Stay with me, Natsu."

With that, the internal struggle was over. He lowered his mouth to hers.

* * *

Somehow, they turned off the light. Natsu had never tasted a collarbone before, but he was sure that no one else's could ever compare to Lucy's. Her soft skin was more intoxicating than the alcohol he had consumed, and he couldn't stop his hands from roaming all over her body. Her noises as he kissed her over, and over, and over again made stopping an impossibility, along with her arms that pulled him closer, legs that wrapped around him, and hands that teased his muscles and his clothing. Broken images and sensations from that night found their way into his dreams – the hands that gripped into his hair when he bit down lightly on her nipple; the arch of her back when his tongue traveled low; the shift of his pants as she pulled them down his body, and the curve of her hips as he paused, panting, before the plunge. Her voice as she uttered his name, her breathy pleas, her sweet, sweet eyes; he felt them all becoming a part of him, a phantom limb that he needed so badly to please. And when he could take it no more, he pushed into her and hoped vaguely that he wouldn't burn her when he came, because he felt paradoxically that her wetness was making him hotter instead of cooler.

From when he pulled away from her, still breathing erratically, there were no more coherent thoughts before oblivion took them both. Merely the sensation of her body still rather entwined with his, her breath on his cheek, and her hair strewn across the pillow. Warmth. Vague, fuzzy happiness. Contentment.

* * *

Gray had *no* idea what had just happened to him. None. All he knew was that Makarov had threatened to expel him from Fairy Tail unless he came with them and "subdued" Jubia (whatever the _hell_ that meant) right after he had just started drinking with Elfman and Natsu, and then the next thing he knows Erza comes out of nowhere in what looks to be a failure of a pillowcase and now she's on top of him in a painfully sexual manner and it's raining in Kana's apartment, and he hopes that this is all going according to plan because he's pretty sure that between Jubia's wrath and Erza's hips, he's won't live to see 20.


	3. 2:Of the Morning After and a Cliffhanger

I do not own Fairy Tail. I do own some pretty kickin' tan lines, however. Yes.

THANK YOU TO REVIEWERS!!!

**racquelli motzerelli:** Congratulations! You win the first review post. Your prize? Another chapter, albeit short. **Blueballad:** _You_ win the most reviews award. Your prize? Another chapter (giggles). And my favorite, **super-rat.** You win the dictionary. Use it well ;-P

* * *

**Chapter 2: Of the Morning After, Mira's Eyebrows, and A Cliffhanger**

As the sun rose over the Fairy Tail guild the next morning, all was not as it used to be. Gray and Erza were sitting at the bar with Mirajane, attempting to block out all memories of the night before. Gray was still a little in shock to be honest; he had never expected to get out of the predicament alive. It was thanks to Mirajane's presence of mind (and Demon form strength) that Erza had been pulled off of Gray, before harm could come to him _or_ to Erza – Jubia, consequently was still being sedated. Just in case. While explaining her actions, Erza had mumbled something about forever being an enemy of pillows, alcohol, and E.S. of M, whatever that meant. Gray figured he would never quite understand what happened, shrugged, and let it go. He was simply thankful that Erza hadn't pounded him into ice shards.

"And thank heavens for Natsu."

Both Gray and Erza looked at Mira, wondering what the hell she was talking about. Neither had been paying the strictest attention to the lovely barkeep, but now that she mentioned it…

"Natsu? Was he even there?" Erza honestly hadn't even noticed. The only thing she had noticed was Gray's - damn her Battle Pajamas…

"Why, what did Natsu do?" Gray considered a moment. "Well, I guess it's good he didn't wreck the apartment…"

Mirajane sighed. And these two thought Natsu was oblivious. Please. "He was the one who shook off Loki the Lecher, and took Lucy home. Really, I was surprised that no one else seemed to notice…although I guess you two and Jubia were uh, kinda busy." Jubia had obviously gone a little haywire after she noticed Erza and Gray in their compromising position. Mira was right – it was all they could do to stay alive, let alone notice where Natsu had wandered off to.

Gray swung on his bar seat to look at Erza, and was about to ask something completely inconsequential to the plot of the story when he saw recognition flash in her eyes, and decided to turn around and pay attention instead to the unlikely couple who had just walked through Fairy Tail's door.

"Well, here they are…uh oh." Mira didn't have to explain further. Natsu and Lucy had walked in together, and the casual observer might not have noticed anything was different than usual. Happy certainly didn't, he was flying about as per normal, chattering away a mile a minute. But it only took a glance for Erza, Gray and Mira to notice something was definitely not right with their friends.

It occurred to Erza first.

"They didn't uh, they couldn't have…um….you know…"

Gray picked up where she left off. "No, there's no way. This is Natsu we're talking about here. I mean, he doesn't have _that_ kind of bone in his body."

Mira wisely said nothing. She did raise her eyebrows a little, however. All three continued to stare openly at Natsu and Lucy, who had somehow managed to not realize that they were the main attraction. This was probably helped by the fact that when they got up that morning dazed, fairly confused, and very, very concerned; they had agreed to act as if nothing was wrong. They had instinctively known and agreed that something very messed up had just occurred, enjoyable as it might have been. Nakama did not usually enjoy a night of extremely belated intoxicated fornication and then go back to their normal lives, but Lucy and Natsu were determined to try. They did this mostly through not talking, and very studiously avoiding each other's eyes and body contact. They could do this. They could.

* * *

Lucy could not do this. Dear spirits she was breaking down. If something drastic didn't happen within the next five seconds, she was going to end up on the top of the table screaming at Natsu, herself, and the godsbedamned Deities of Love and Drunken Revelries that had caused her and Natsu to…to…

Damn, it had been amazing. What flashes her alcohol-blocked mind allowed her to recall made heat pool in her lower abdomen, and instigated the desire to just grab Natsu and take on whatever hell sent her way. There had been several moments that morning, as they awkwardly woke up and tried to reorganize their lives that she thought the desire was still there – eyes full of emotion, hands that would linger almost a second too long, and the kiss he had set firmly yet gingerly on her forehead when she least expected it. But nothing had been said. Neither had said anything about their feelings, or their expectations, or their fears. The future had been very carefully avoided, just as any mention of what had passed between them the night before. The only allusion to their misadventure was when Lucy had winced on walking past Natsu to the bathroom. He had surprised her by catching her arm and looking straight at her, and asked her if she was all right. Lucy almost couldn't answer, her emotions running wild all over the damn place. She was finally able to answer in the affirmative, and escaped before a stray tear could escape her eye. When she reached the shower, it would all be a bit better. She'd be able to cry a little, at any rate.

* * *

Natsu knew that unlike everything else he had ever fought, he could not defeat this situation by pounding it to a pulp. He wasn't sure how to go about fixing it, but he at least knew it wasn't happening this way. What little thought he had devoted to the subject of romance was this: boy and girl meet, eventually fall in love, and live happily ever after. Never had he imagined that he would meet Lucy, and engage in a night of sex before they even fell in love – or at least, admitted to it.

Wait a minute. Love. Did she… did he…were they in love?

Natsu whipped his head around, light blazing in his eyes. Dragons above, there was a whole 'nother aspect to this that he hadn't even thought about! Rules of nakama aside, everything would be just fine if they were in love! He couldn't help the broad smile that suddenly spread over his face. He opened his mouth to either ask her if she loved him, or to declare his undying devotion (being Natsu, he hadn't exactly planned on which one to begin with) when a shadow fell across the table, directly in between Lucy and him.

With meaning to, he shuddered, as if a cat had walked over his grave.

Lucy and he turned around in tandem.

"Dad?"

* * *

Sorry all, these chapters have to happen. Plot will continue next chapter though, I promise. Hint: It's not Natsu's Dad. Hint2: Something rather unexpected will be asked of someone. Hint3: It's not who you think. Trust me :-)


	4. 3:In which there is Plot

You know, I really want a mangaka to write fanfic on their own work so they can be all like, "yes, bitches, I DO own (blah de blah)." That would make my day. However, that won't be me regardless. (Look, I don't own Fairy Tail, ok?!?!)

Also, I cut my bangs like a maniac. Goddammit. Just to share.

Oh, this is a bit AU as in the Heartphilia family is still loaded, and still owns the mansion.

**Chapter 3: In which Makarov Simpers, Happy is Forlorn, Fluffiness Returns, and Annoying Hero Names Make An Appearance**

"Well, I usually go by Makarov, but I suppose a pretty girl like you could make me respond to anything." This was accompanied by a small simper, and a comic bat of the eye. "Oh, unless you mean this debonair young fellow behind me."

Both Heartphilias looked with something akin to distaste at Makarov. Natsu was still pretty much just gaping, attempting to get a grasp on the situation.

"Um…yeah. I mean, Dad. What are you doing here? Why are you with Makarov? I'm not going to give you money, if that's what you're after. "

Natsu finally caught up.

"Mr. Heartphilia!" Natsu jumped up, about to enclose the man in a bone-crushing hug (this _was_ his future father-in-law, after all) when Makarov's suddenly serious voice cut through his euphoria.

"Lucy, I must ask you to go with your father on a mission."

Natsu and Lucy stared at him in shock, both unable to move for an instant. Lucy recovered first. "Mission? Why… why does my father need me to go on a mission?"

"Lucy…" Mr. Heartphilia sighed. "It's a very complicated matter, and I'm not exactly sure I completely understa-" A sharp glance from Makarov, and Mr. Heartphilia found another track. "It's a very delicate matter, pertaining to you being a stellar spirit mage. Please, will you do Mr. uh, Makarov and myself the honor of listening? In private."

Natsu could see Lucy's battle with confusion, outright refusal, and curiosity all over her face. Of course he should let her go, but something felt completely wrong about all this. For a moment, he felt the ridiculous urge to simply grab Lucy and run to Town Hall, where they could just get married now and work out their emotions later. There were many problems with this plan, however, and even Natsu could see them. For thing, Erza could cover large distances in a very, very short amount of time. She could also end him rather quickly. On the other hand, could he really imagine Erza as Lucy's maid of honor? Natsu shuddered.

"Ok."

Natsu, Erza, Gray, Mirajane, and everyone else in the bar whipped their heads around to stare at Lucy. Even Mr. Heartphilia did a double take.

"Ok, I'll listen." Lucy stood up to follow her father and Makarov, who had already sprang up and was headed for his office. Natsu got up as well. Makarov noticed, and cleared his throat. "Natsu, your loyalty does you credit, but this mission is a solo mission. I have another job for Gray, Erza, Jubia and yourself."

"But… Lucy and I are a team. We _always_ work together. And I mean, we're…we're…"

Everyone in the bar held their breath. Lucy didn't realize she was staring at him with her heart in her eyes as she was much too focused on her actual heart, which had become a bass drum beating in her ears. It was too bad that Natsu had been born a fire dragon slayer, because this boy had just made time stop.

"We're nakama," he finally finished. Yet perhaps finishing was no better, for as soon as he stuttered his answer, he knew it was the wrong one.

Mr. Heartphilia looked confused. "Nakama? What's nakama?"

"Not good enough," Lucy hissed under her breath. She steeled herself, and looking Natsu right in the eye spat out, "This mission is for me, Natsu. For this, I don't want _nakama."_ Scorn laced her voice, venom lashed from her tongue. And with that, she turned on her heel, and flounced into Makarov's office, leaving a confused father and a grim looking Makarov in her wake.

A forlorn Happy floated off the table.

"Does that mean I can't come either?"

* * *

Gray and Erza carefully made their way over to a shell-shocked Natsu and guided him down into the seat. Happy settled in front of him, cocking his ears as he looked from face to face. "What happened?"

Gray silently reinforced the question by raising his eyebrows.

Erza was not so subtle.

"You have until the count of three to explain why Lucy was pissy or I swear to the fluffiness above I'll end-"

Gray's mouth twitched. _Again_ with the mention of fluffy things? Yet Natsu cut through his reverie and Erza's spiel.

"She doesn't love me, does she."

Erza stopped, mid-rant. Well damn. What were you supposed to say to that?

"Uh, who doesn't love you?"

Erza discreetly whacked Gray under the table. Sometimes, you had to at least pretend that you were keeping up.

"I mean, you heard what she said. She was so angry that I wanted to go with her…when last night she wouldn't…" Natsu blushed.

Gray and Erza exchanged an amazed glance, and over at the bar (supposedly out of hearing range) Mira's eyebrows lifted infinitesimally.

"Last night?" Gray suddenly had a sinking suspicion that he might be the only virgin in Fairy Tail.

"She wouldn't let me go…"

Erza apparently shared Gray's thought, as she sank back down to the table, and in her most menacing voice growled, "Natsu, tell me that Lucy is still a virgin."

"Oh, she wasn't one to begin with." Happy smiled brilliantly at the three shocked teens, ecstatic to finally be able to contribute to the conversation. "She has these little pills that she takes once a day. She said they were magic pills that keep her from getting pregnant. She said to keep them a secret-" Happy slapped his hands over his mouth, horrified at his chatter. "You have to keep it a secret! A secret!"

Natsu sank his head into his arms, sighing. He hadn't known Lucy had done that before. He certainly hadn't. Maybe that was why she was all emotional. But if she had, then shouldn't she be handling it better than him?

"So uh…what are we still doing here then?"

Erza and Natsu looked at Gray, who, by the way, had taken off his shirt during Happy's declaration. Erza suddenly found the ceiling _extremely_ interesting.

"Commiserating?" Happy was proud of his big word.

"Suffering?"

"Still rather unsure as to whether Natsu and Lucy had sex last night?"

Gray shook his head, frustration on his features. "All that can wait, shouldn't we be eavesdropping right now?"

They continued to stare at Gray for a minute, and then began the mad rush to the keyhole outside Makarov's door. Mira let out a tiny smile as they ran past. _She_ wouldn't be the one to tell them that Makarov had long ago magicked the door so that eavesdropping was an impossibility. She was enjoying herself far too much.

* * *

"So let me get this straight. Once every 383 years, the Dark Lord Kydan awakens to plague the land with evil magic and zombies and low fat breakfast cereals," (Makarov shuddered), "Unless a certain ritual is enacted. This ritual is presided over by the strongest Stellar Spirit Mage (in this case, the_ only_ Stellar Spirit Mage) and it is basically the marriage (that takes place on both the earth and spirit plane) of the Maiden Untouched," (otherwise known as Me Until Last Night, Lucy thought darkly) "and the…"

"Champion of the Skies." Makarov put in, helpfully.

Lucy felt a migraine coming on. After last night, she had thought her life couldn't get any more surreal. Clearly, she was wrong.

"And so how does one go about becoming the Maiden Untouched or uh, the Champion of the Skies?" It would help if it didn't sound like a terrible, terrible porno.

Makarov's eyes lit up. "Ah, it's good that you asked. You will be the final judge, you know. The Maiden Untouched must be just that – a virgin, and over the age of 16. She must have lived among men all her life, with plenty of opportunities to be deflowered, and yet not have lost her virginity."

Lucy didn't know what was more disturbing. The fact that Makarov had used the word deflowered in a sentence without even slowing down, or that he expected her to take this seriously.

"The Champion of the Skies is a bit of a misnomer. Usually, from what we can tell he has nothing to do with any sky-oriented magic. While you have the final say on the Maiden Untouched," (Lucy thought she might scream if he said it again, capitals and all) "the stellar spirits you have accumulated will select the Champion of the-"

"Yes, yes, yes. I get it. What I want to know is how on earth you expect me to-"

"By looking at this." Throughout the entire conversation, her father had not spoken. But now, he held out a glass sphere the size of a golf ball, and looked at her expectantly. Colors whirled inside the sphere, and Lucy peered closer to see it better and she

**_SAW_**

_Everything she saw Kydan (oh god, how could anyone stand up to that) and everyone was_

**_DEAD_**_ everything was dying and the trees were_

**_LOST_**_ like the people and there was no more water and _

_**NATSU**_

_Lying broken, like a bird and Gray and Erza and Happy were there too and _

Shaken, she leaned against the chair, fighting back sobs. Gone was Makarov's look of smug cheerfulness, in its place was a weariness she had never seen on his face before, even when fighting Gerard. She shook her head, at a loss for words.

"Your father found that on your mother's grave a few days ago. Its message is not keyed to magic users, so he saw enough to take it to me. Polyushou and I have been studying it for several days now, and we believe it to be the first warning of the coming of Kydan. You know who Kydan was, don't you? He was Zeref's teacher."

Lucy could almost feel the other shoe hit the floor. Was there anything else that the universe could possibly throw at her?

"We can manipulate it a bit, Lucy. The ceremony has to take place where you yourself once derived great strength – it was over your mother's grave that you made the decision to leave your home, was it not?"

Lucy nodded, thinking back to that day over a year ago when she decided that enough was enough, it was time to get gone, as Erza would say.

Makarov hesitated. "Lucy, we realize this is so much to ask of you. This is perhaps one of the most important missions that you could ever undertake. This is at and beyond the level of most S-class assignments, but we have the utmost faith in you. If you like, we feel that you can bring a team member with you, for companionship."

"Natsu?" The name was past her lips before her brain realized she was considering it, and it took physical effort not to facepalm. She couldn't bring him…not after her little display in the main room. _But you want him_ an insidious yet truthful little voice whispered. _Want him to accompany you…and keep you warm at ni-_ Lucy shook her head, breaking off the thought.

"No. Just as I said outside I need him and the others on another mission. Happy could come with you. Or Levi?"

Lucy wondered for a moment why Makarov would be so willing to let Levi go, when she and her two boys had the reputation of being the backbone of Fairy Tail. But then, she reasoned, this was a "mission" of epic proportions…

Makarov and her father stood up together, although it was Makarov who crossed the distance from his desk to where Lucy sat, adrift in the situation. He put his hand on her shoulder, and somehow, Lucy felt a little better.

"It will be alright in the end, Lucy. Hard times are upon us, but we will survive them. We will triumph."

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Review Business! **KevBeBallin:** Ahhh, I totally forgot con_damns_, (points if you catch the reference, yes, I'm a total loser) but I made the whole situation a little less stressful. As you have see. **racquelli motzerelli**: Yaaay for reviewing again! Haha yeah, points for Natsu picking up on it…finally…**Ari:**Thank you. Not to push inebriation on anyone, but I feel like it's a good state for Erza. I think Gray enjoys it too ;) **blueballad:**Haha, thanks. Freaking out a bit about whether it's too OOC to be enjoyable, so that's good to hear.

AAAAAAAND

**super-rat:** More than one word!!! Yesssssss.  Thank you for said book. I hope I use it well ;) Hahaha you guys make me smile. Goodness, enough of my insipidity. On to chapter 4.


	5. 4: More Plot Also, A Name Changes

**Chapter 4: Lucy is emo, Grey is mostly confused, Natsu is pissed, and Mira is in trouble (with Erza). Also, Jubia becomes Lluvia.**

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Guess what I do not own Fairy Tale. The End.

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Lucy bit her lip as she stared out the carriage, the scenery all too familiar and at the moment, most unwelcome. In a few more hours she would be home (well, at her father's home anyway) and would begin her preparations to face an unexpected and largely unknown evil. Makarov had promised to send Polyushou to help her, and had given her the diary of the last known stellar spirit to face Kydan. It was encouraging to have proof that this had happened before, successfully. It was _not_ encouraging to realize that the former spirit mage had written in an unfamiliar language. What she knew was this: that Kydan's original defeat had resulted in him being banished to an alternate dimension (something akin to the spirit world, yet also more like a prison) where he could no longer harm the inhabitants of this world, or in theory, any other. However after a few hundred years (383, Lucy reminded herself wryly) the alternate dimension broke, and another needed to be made. And for whatever reason, the next alternate dimension would be created by the union of the…

"Me-Until-3-Nights-Ago" and "What-Better-Not-Be-Natsu," Lucy whispered, being careful not to wake up Happy, her companion in the carriage and until she faced Kydan. Once Happy understood the magnitude of the situation, (and after a swift glance at Natsu, who nodded his approval) Happy had followed Lucy with just one question: _Why can't Natsu come?_ Lucy couldn't deny it: traveling without Natsu just didn't feel right. Yet here they were, bumping along in a godsforsaken box on wheels, isolated from all the people that she cared about and depended on, preparing to face an evil at the level of Zeref, and she was whining about how wrong it felt when Natsu wasn't at her side? Gods, how selfish could she be? Lucy shook her head and with a glance down at her faithful feline-like friend, began to stoke him gently. It wasn't just that she and Natsu were apart; there was no point in lying to herself. It was more how they hadn't said 5 words on the subject of their Drunk-Fuck Adventure (Lucy had to stop herself soon, the bitterness in her nicknames was becoming blatant) since it had occurred. It wasn't that he wasn't with her now. It was that she didn't know if he was _ever_ truly _with_ her_. _

Lucy sighed again, noting with disinterest as her breath fogged the glass. It was raining. And she might never see Natsu again.

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"Is anyone going to tell me where we're going?"

Natsu and Erza answered the frustrated Gray as one.

"No."

Gray mumbled under his breath and began to turn to Lluvia for help, before realizing swiftly that out of all his recent ideas, that would vie (with listening to Makarov that fateful three nights ago) as the worst. It had only stopped raining about 10 minutes ago, and by the glaring daggers she was shooting him (and towards Erza too, for whatever reason) he judged that it probably wasn't safe yet. Yet he could see Lluvia was beginning to be curious as well. For the last few minutes she had lessened her glaring and was spending more time observing their surroundings, with a look almost like confusion on her face. Regardless, Gray thought it was time to try again, in a slightly different vein."

"So uh…do you guys know what we're doing?"

They didn't answer, although Erza (forgetting herself and Lluvia's still lingering wrath for just a moment) looked back and grimaced, silently communicating her mutual confusion. The grimace also said _"Stop talking about it Gray. You know what it does to Natsu." _ Yet she caught Lluvia's scowl soon enough, and whipped her head around, leaving Gray to reflect on their hurried departure from Fairy Tail. Makarov hadn't been explicit with the directions, although he _had_ talked at length with Natsu. And whatever they had discussed had sent Natsu into a nearly three-day funk, along with endowing him with an incredible sense of purpose. Gray wasn't sure he liked the new, get-your-shit-done Natsu. For one thing, he hadn't fought with him for days. Hell, they hadn't even bickered since yesterday's dinner.

That was _far too long_ for comfort.

"We're going the wrong way."

Erza and Gray whipped their heads around to Lluvia, who had just uttered her first sentence not laden with bitterness or outright anger since Thursday night. Lluvia, who apparently knew where they were supposed to be going. They gaped.

"Natsu? We were supposed to take the left path at the last fork. We should turn back."

Natsu didn't stop walking.

"Natsu. We're going the _wrong-"_

"No we're not. Because we're going to get Lucy."

At this, Erza and Gray suddenly felt a hell of a lot more up to speed. They might not know what was going on, but Makarov had made it quite clear to them, in the midst of his ambiguous ramblings, that one thing must not happen. _Natsu must _not_ come into contact with Lucy._ That meant until…whatever was going to happen had happened, they could not see, interact, or communicate with each other.

Natsu half turned around, sensing the verbal (and perhaps physical) battle to come. Gray shot Erza a look that uncharacteristically read _damage control, please._ Erza nodded slowly, and put out her hand to gently clasp Natsu's shoulder.

"Natsu…Lucy has her mission and we have ours. Makarov has stressed the importance of her being able to act with complete independence, and if we don't complete our mission, than she will fail as well. You know-"

"And what is our mission, Erza? Do you even know? Tell me, in your own words, what Makarov told you that we should be doing."

Gray sympathized as Erza's eyes shot to the side. His first instinct had been to say "Fool's errand" and leave it at that. If something was going down here, it wasn't where they were told to go, that was for sure.

"We are to locate and identify the two people essential to the ritual. If we fail, Lucy will be the first to die." Lluvia's spoke with a blandness that didn't fit the nature of the utterance. Yet the point was made.

Natsu swore, loudly, and yelled, "And just how are we supposed to do that?"

Gray silently agreed.

"Well it can't be too hard to-"

"LAXUS!"

The inhuman roar shattered the tension of the group. Erza cocked her head for a moment, something about that roar seemed _familiar_ but it was Natsu and Gray who recognized it first. Paling in unison, Gray whispered "_Mira" _before Lluvia physically lifted him from the path and dropped him into the hedge hemming the road, proceeding then to leap behind it herself. Natsu slunk behind Erza with the few seconds he had left. Mira hadn't had her demon form back for very long, but its recent re-appearance had reminded everyone just how terrifying Mirajane could truly be.

Erza swiveled her wrist, flicking around a sword in preparation. She didn't think Mira was coming to attack them, but if Mira was demon, it was better to err on the side of caution.

"Laxus! Laxus…" Mira stumbled into the clearing surprisingly not the demon the quartet of doom plus 1 had expected, but as the lovely young woman she was widely known as. Lovely and bedraggled – her black dress was torn around her knees, and recent tears had caused her makeup to run and splotch her face. Erza recalled her sword, and suddenly, violently wished for Lucy, who was far better with handling girly emotional matters than she was. What was she to do with an upset Mirajane?

"Mira?" Natsu poked his head out from behind Erza, concerned about the woman's tears. "Mira, what's wrong?"

Mira looked up at her teammates with a look reminiscent of a deer that sees the hunter just as he releases the arrow. Such was her sorrow that she wasn't even fazed by Grey and Lluvia's sudden emergence from the hedges.

"Mira? Are you-"

She threw up her arms, startling them. "It's Laxus. He just took off!"

Her audience shared looks, all confused. Grey found his voice first. "Uh, wasn't Laxus banished or something? A while ago?"

Erza made to glare at him for his insensitivity but before she could make eye contact she realized his shirt was off again, and ended up glaring at Lluvia instead. Realizing that was just as bad, (and potentially dangerous) she quickly looked to the ground before she could screw up again. Ok, what was _wrong_ with her? Looking at Grey had never bothered her before…

Thankfully, Mira wasn't upset. If anything, she was embarrassed. "He was just…visiting…but then he freaked out, and I couldn't catch him. I don't even know exactly what was _wrong. _He just started muttering stuff about there being no time left, and then he took off."

Erza's gut clenched, and the slow sensation of doom spread from the tightness throughout her body. Natsu's face had become a hard line, and she knew he was thinking the same thing. Oh gods, could it be Laxus?

"Did he say anything else?" Natsu's voice matched his face – a hard, thin, line that booked no nonsense. Erza could tell Mira was surprised, but not too taken aback.

Mira nodded grimly. "Yes. But that was the weirdest part…he also said something about the skies. About how he had to take to the skies, or head to the skies. Something like that."

Now even Grey got it. His eyes widened as Lluvia's narrowed, both taking in the information and coming to the same conclusion. Laxus was, unfortunately for Mira who may or may not have just come from a clandestine romantic tryst with her old friend, the Champion of the Skies. All they had to do now was to find Laxus and some willing virgin (maybe Mira could do?) and then they were in business.

Mira sighed and shook her head. "I just don't know what he was talking about. He was so strange…it was like he himself didn't know what he was saying." She smiled ruefully, and shrugged her shoulders. "But now that I've found you Natsu, it'll be ok."

Natsu stared back at her, mouth wide open in dumb confusion. "Huh?"

Mira nodded. "Yep. 'Cuz you were the one he was looking for." She furrowed her eyebrows. "Actually, I'm a little surprised he hasn't found you yet…he was pretty determined."

Gray looked over at Erza, for once ahead of the game. When he actually paid attention, he was quite bright, and fairly intuitive. Erza of course, was Erza. For a moment their gaze held no trace of recent awkwardness, just a shared, unnamable suspicion. Oh no, she can't mean…it can't be…

Mira looked at her friend's faces, all of which were displaying some sort of uneasy confusion. "Oh sorry, I hadn't gotten to it yet – you're the reason he's heading to the skies in the first place."

Panic and denial began to simmer inside of Natsu then, choking his reply and his confidence, while beginning to move against his sanity. No. No. _No._

"He said that he had to aid you, or something. That you were going to be fighting soon and he had to help you." She cocked her head to the side. "You were going to be someone's champion, maybe?"

With perfect synchronization born from years of exposure to each other, Erza and Grey moved expertly to restrain Natsu. Grey and Natsu attacked in tandem.

"Ice make, prison!"

"ARRRRRRHHHHHHHHH-"

Natsu's flame not only melted the ice igloo, but also sent Grey's body flying backwards through the air. Yet even as he flew, he attempted a counterattack before his body would come into contact with a tree, or the ground.

"Ice make, spe-"

_Thunk._ At the same moment that Grey's back hit a tree trunk, Erza brought down the hilt of her sword on Natsu's head, knocking him unconscious. She caught him as he sagged to the ground. She cringed as she watched Lluvia cry out and run over to Grey, but it had been necessary. Although she could surely take Natsu in a fair fight, time was of the essence, as was speaking to Mira without Natsu's interference. Anyways, who knew what Natsu would do if it turned out that he really was the Champion of the Skies? Doing her best to ignore Lluvia as she embraced Grey's fallen form Erza fixed her infamous glare on Mira.

"Now. You were saying?"

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Ahhhh sorry guys - I know I haven't updated in almost a year and in my heart of hearts, I had planned on dropping this totally. In my defense, this was supposed to be a one shot plus prologue. Maybe I shouldn't put out this teaser, especially bc there isn't anything too interesting here, but I wrote it, and here you are.

I will say - Lluvia is a way sweeter name than Jubia, so we're just gonna switch that up now. Sorry guys. But this is fanfic. Not too worried. :)

Also, I haven't read the last, oh, 60 chapters or so? I know that Gerard comes back and is good or something, but this is AU (and fanfiction, hello how are you) and he's not here. :)

Gomen nasai for it taking so damn long. Enjoy :)


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